lubcha132: ok so there's this guy that was born without ears
lubcha132: don't stop me if you've heard this one
lubcha132: and all his life he struggled to fit in
lubcha132: he goes to school , gets into a good college and ends up the president of a major company
lubcha132: but he still remains sensitive about the ear situation
lubcha132: so one day he's seeing people applying for jobs at his company
lubcha132: the first guy walks in
lubcha132: he's got excellent credentials, good resume, everything goes smooth
lubcha132: then the guy asks him "do you notice anything odd about me?"
PintoLover88: how does he hear if he doesnt have ears?
lubcha132: the applicant doesn't want to say anything so he politely says "well, no"
lubcha132: (the holes are there, kate)
lubcha132: so the president says "no seriously, be honest"
lubcha132: "well, you have no ears"
lubcha132: "GET OUT OF MY OFFICE! HOW DARE YOU"
lubcha132: a 2nd applicant comes in
lubcha132: she has even better credentials than the first guy
lubcha132: and its a girl
lubcha132: (matt made that clear when he told me this joke)
lubcha132: same thing, it goes smooth until he asks her about "anything strange"
lubcha132: and once again at first she says no, but then she admits it and he kicks her out
lubcha132: so a third guy comes into the office
lubcha132: the best credentials out of all 3, the meeting goes perfectly
lubcha132: the prez says "you got the job, but first let me ask you, do you notice anything strange about me"
lubcha132: the guy thinks for a minute and says "yeah, you wear contacts"
lubcha132: the president was shocked- "how did you know i wear contacts"
lubcha132: --suspense builder--
PintoLover88: dun dun dun
lubcha132: so the applicant says "because you can't wear glasses because you don't have any f**kin ears!!!"

JaHaNaWaNaBaNaNa: you can't see it but i am flipping you off


not me

Auto response from TiPmE39: swashbuckling also.

"I had a bloody nose today. Almost went through a roll of toilet paper.
I know what you Brit's are thinking: 'Everyone's got a bloody nose'
Yes, but mine hemorrhaged all over my shirt."

"sparks are gonna fly" - Catherine Wheel
"the Jean Genie" - David Bowie

a thought.

real musicians don't like BC Rich guitars, or anything that just has a cool shape (except the Flying V of course, but that's only a stage guitar.)

PintoLover88: did u mistake my humor for stupidity?
PintoLover88: again?!

If you have a lung transplant, who's phlegm are you coughing up?

"Those who add, subtract"
-Rabbi Nachman of Breslov (on truth, or lying)

MetsFanForLyfe: u really r houdini
MetsFanForLyfe: except a jew

"but if looks could kill there's a man there who's marked down as dead"
-Joe Jackson/Goldfinger

"You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you are going because you might not get there."
"The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase."
-Yogi Berra (who else?)

MUstArD420x: so i think when i get my hair cut i'm going to have to steam my beaver

:O

Q: Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
A: To get away from the noise.

A man trying to beat his dog to death with a gun was fatally wounded when it apparently went off accidentally, police said.

PintoLover88: evan, pee ur pants

PintoLover88: i just realized something
lubcha132: 5 fingers on each hand?
PintoLover88: no that was yesterday

lubcha132: cars have trunks
NikeAir23000: oh i forgot

PintoLover88: did u hear about the guy who fell into the upolestry machine?!?
lubcha132: no?
PintoLover88: oh well its ok, hes fully recovered

"The only problem with playing pocket pool is that the referee's a shmuck."
-Eli

SMdude87 [2:26 PM]: lol i saw my life flash before my eyes
PintoLover88 [2:26 PM]: aw
PintoLover88 [2:27 PM]: i didnt see mine when i got hit by a car, thrown onto the windsheild, and rolled back off, and slid across the road

true stories.

SandG1029: what language is your last name?
SandG1029: what does it mean
lubcha132: no one knows
SandG1029: oh mine means white bread

SandG1029: im hungry now
lubcha132: sorry
lubcha132: all this talk about last names

hotmamajew: ive been wondering...what IS swashbuckling?
lubcha132: its like what the 3 musketeers do
lubcha132: you know, swinging from ropes, sword fights

MetsFanForLyfe: isnt mazelpimpin such a jewish word
lubcha132: not at all
MetsFanForLyfe: lol but mazelpimpin is the new type of jewish words
lubcha132: no new jewish words are e-shlemazel and laser-davening

SandG1029: ooooooooooooooooooooh i thouht your last na(m)E WAS LUBCHA

lubcha132: do you see the letter p in my screen name
GiantJay87: its a typo lipcha


GiantJay87: your name is josh lipchansky
lubcha132: no
lubcha132: we went through the whole "there is no p in lubcha"
lubcha132: thing
GiantJay87: then whats your name

GiantJay87: or lubchansky
lubcha132: there ya go
GiantJay87: oh y didnt u say so whats doing

imbecile.

"Chris had (and indeed, has) a huge quiff which led to many hours of ridicule, as is to be expected. The insults really took off on the day that he feel asleep in English and woke to find that Ben Rock (known, coincidentally, as Violent Ben) had stapled his hair to the table with a huge wall stapler. The sight of Chris blundering about screaming with a table hanging from his head will stay with me until the day I die. He was eventually subdued and the table removed, but the scars, both mental and physical, remain. Please put this up, as if he sees it, he might finally get a f*****g haircut."

another gem.

ambush!
Very much like tag, but emphasizing stealth. Everyone on the playground played, whether they realized it or not, whether they wanted to or not. The stalker had to sneak behind someone, push them to the ground and shout 'Ambush!' Should the person survive, they were the new stalker. This game fractured my kneecap.

'about as much use as a one-legged man at an arse-kicking party'
http://www.playgroundlaw.com
Lubcha's Website pick of the Fortnight.

Lubcha132: holy moly frijole!
PintoLover88: lol
PintoLover88: do u know what that means in spanish?
PintoLover88: (frijole)
Lubcha132: bean
PintoLover88: hehe yea
Lubcha132: really?
PintoLover88: holy moly beans
PintoLover88: yea

"Famous worldwide, the American Tourist is easy to imitate. White socks and sandals are de rigueur. Add Bermuda shorts and a short-sleeve button-down shirt (preferably Hawaiian) and salaam, you’re Al Qaeda’s moving target. Materials: Hawaiian shirt, map, camera, wraparound sunglasses, suitcase with buy american! stickers."

PintoLover88: RockDrummer322 [6:35 PM]: swashbuckling.
RockDrummer322 [6:35 PM]: What is that?
PintoLover88 [6:35 PM]: its swashbuckling...
RockDrummer322 [6:36 PM]: What is swashbuckling???
PintoLover88 [6:36 PM]: its like

note: i was on the but it wasn't moving so i took the , and the stood me up at 57 St.

I would like to thank whoever told the rats that I am so cool that they should come onto the platform to see me (this time- Union Square, )

the masterguru R: tell me when ur fist gig is i'll come and be like yeah i knew that guy when he was the only white guy sitting at the indian kids lunch table

art.

PintoLover88 [8:44 PM]: wah wee woo?

"Practically speaking, I see no reason to instruct employees to card the AARP crowd," said Whitcomb.
welcome here.

Lubcha132: no no no
Lubcha132: no
Lubcha132: no no no no*
NikeAir23000: not no(3x) + no
Lubcha132: right, its no no no no or no no no no no at all

don't go to 49th St Station (but i took the). the rats leave the tracks.

BNK2124: you know youre a rich redneck if...

PintoLover88: okie
Lubcha132: i say okie
PintoLover88: you say dokie
PintoLover88: you: okie me:dokie.. okie dokie okie dokie

Lubcha132: i dont use things b/c other people use them
Lubcha132: except knives and forks

BlondiBlink18241: wee
Auto response from Lubcha132:swashbuckling.
5475-16
BlondiBlink18241: swashbuckling, eh? sounds kinky.

MUstArD420x: shiot busting butt balls

NikeAir23000: y is this funny
Lubcha132: its snot
NikeAir23000: i know

an afterthought:
NikeAir23000: hahah u put the y is this funny convo on your blog, now THATS funny

Auto response from Yanks1243: doing stuff teachers give you when they think you have no life

Lubcha132: grief
Lubcha132: they give you grief

Break Safety.

NikeAir23000: dam my blog sucks

NikeAir23000: You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.

don't forget to look @ the archives by clicking the dates over thar <-------
and also the old blog still has some gems on it (:

BlondiBlink18241: what do an orange and a plane have in common?
BlondiBlink18241: ::im like laughing hysterical over here::
Lubcha132: good smell
BlondiBlink18241: no
BlondiBlink18241: they both fly except for the orange

i give it a 10 out of 10.

NIRVANA 3EB TOOL: bring a camera
NIRVANA 3EB TOOL: and take party pics of me doing stupid things

NIRVANA 3EB TOOL: old macdonald had a dog and bingo was its name-o, B I N G O
Lubcha132: no no no no
Lubcha132: first of all, old macdonald had a farm
Lubcha132: there is stipulation on whether he had a dog
NIRVANA 3EB TOOL: oh ok
NIRVANA 3EB TOOL: then how DOES it go
Lubcha132: and there was a farmer who had a dog and bingo was his name oh
NIRVANA 3EB TOOL: oo
Lubcha132: but no one knows who the farmer is
NIRVANA 3EB TOOL: ok then how does the other song go?
NIRVANA 3EB TOOL: old macdonald....
Lubcha132: old macdonald had a farm (various vowels)
NIRVANA 3EB TOOL: yea thats the one!!
Lubcha132: it is
NIRVANA 3EB TOOL: phil was playin it at guitar club
NIRVANA 3EB TOOL: it was soo funny
Lubcha132: man has good taste in music
NIRVANA 3EB TOOL: heh he does
NIRVANA 3EB TOOL: he listens to every kind of music ever created
Lubcha132: i fall apart when i hear mary had a little lamb

NikeAir23000: ok wow that was disturbing
Lubcha132: what?
NikeAir23000: i looked in the mirror

"If you expect nothing, you can't be hurt."
-(Dear) Abby

NikeAir23000: lubcha punch me in the face next time i dont listen to u or take you advice
NikeAir23000: you were so fuckin right, thank u

not in this order:


best of the day- F train downtown or maybe S train (well it is my favorite)

MUstArD420x: your so..."nonono"
Lubcha132: no no no no
Lubcha132: its "no no no no"
...
Lubcha132: "no no no no" is my new thing
MUstArD420x: noooooooooooooooo
MUstArD420x: only 3
MUstArD420x: moron
Lubcha132: no no no no
Lubcha132: i use four
MUstArD420x: why?
Lubcha132: because it sounds better out loud

anon: but to her parents i am the perfect boyfriend
Lubcha132: but you're not screwin her dad you know

Lubcha132: how's it going?
LaFeeVerte1899: brb
Lubcha132: i guess its going away

Soulnet1123: about the other girl who likes me
Soulnet1123: please please just shoot me
Lubcha132: who?
Soulnet1123: anyone
Lubcha132: no no no no

SandG1029: i heard what you said on the bus 2day...a guest appearance what was that upposed to mean
Lubcha132: you know how like on TV when an actor that's not usually on a show is on a show
Lubcha132: they say "guest appearance by Drew Carey" or something like that
Lubcha132: so you guest starred on our bus
SandG1029: whatever i thought you were being mean
Lubcha132: no no no no
Lubcha132: if i ever call you a wild animal, that's me being mean
SandG1029: ooh ok

NIRVANA 3EB TOOL: but VOX is a good name
Lubcha132: so is josh

MINE!!!!

CMK102485: I wouldnt be in the subway if I was an out of town woman at 5:30 AM
Lubcha132: if i was a woman..let's not go there

Rav Huna Bar Manoach says: One may tell an idolater to put his idol in his "Shin Tov"."
-Megillah 25b

lubcha132: sorry i'm being a poo
ang3l1ite23: sorry i'm being a poo?
ang3l1ite23: is that a song?

zzcynicalzz: -confusion is sexy-

sometimes i don't try
i just da da da da da da da da.
-"save it for later"

NikeAir23000: my mom put cookie mix into the oven, and im like mom the ovens not on, and shes like sitting down at the dinner table and she said, shhhh its cooking itll be done in a while

ohhhhh yeah

NikeAir23000: hey
Auto response from Lubcha132: swashbuckling.
5475(:-D)16
NikeAir23000: wat a coincidence!!! i swashbuckle all the time too!!!!!!

I will personally talk you out of any girl-related crisis you are going through.

NikeAir23000: its hard to explain
NikeAir23000: actually its easy

DARKPHANTOM125: im gonna smack u !
Lubcha132: yeah so what else is new

On the way to costco:

Evan's mom:"so you're not friends with (the) b*rrie anymore?"
Josh:"no, she hates me"
Evan's Mom:"knowing you and evan, i bet you sit and laugh about it"
Josh:"well..yeah"

i crossed 2 more songs of the "i'll never hear them again" list:
"bizarre love triangle" by New Order (hehe)
"save it for later" by English Beat (thanks TNNH) splender does a "kicking" remake of this..very very good stuff my friends.

sooner or later
your legs give way
and hit the ground
-English Beat

-removed-

Lubcha132: what was the last tihng you said?
Boruchfriedman: tihng ??? is that tibetan ???
Lubcha132: no mongolian
Boruchfriedman: ahh that makes sense
Lubcha132: its one of the 35 words for "yak"